When I was going through my divorce Jen Sincero's words provided some much needed belief and confidence in myself that I was capable of living an amazing life on my own, as a single woman in today's world. Jen's books, You Are A Badass and You Are A Badass at Making Money were life changing for me.
Today's episode is a special throwback to a CompletelyKarin video I made years ago on what we can learn from You Are A Badass by Jen Sincero. I give Jen's three simple questions to ask yourself in any situation to help be clear and confident in your decisions. I also tell you of my own experience implementing this in my own life and how it has worked out for me.
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Full Episode Transcript:
I’m Karin Nelson and you’re listening to Becoming You Again episode number 96.
Welcome to becoming You Again. The podcast to help you with your mental and emotional wellbeing during and after divorce. This is where you learn to overcome the trauma of your divorce by reconnecting with yourself, creating lasting emotional resilience and living a truly independent life so your life will be even better than when you were married. I’m your host Karin Nelson.
Welcome back to the podcast my friends. I am so happy to be here today. I hope you are doing great. I actually have kind of a special podcast for you today. I thought it would be fun to do a throwback episode to one of my CompletelyKarin videos that I made a few years ago. Now if you don’t know, probably most of actually don’t know who has listened to this podcast that I have a YouTube channel. It is called CompletelyKarin and I started this channel as something that was for me. I had just literally found out about my husband’s affair and I was trying to really get to know myself better and do things that were just for me which I had not done in years and years and so I decided I was going to start a YouTube channel and record videos about whatever I wanted and learn how to edit them and put them up on YouTube and do all of that which I have no idea how to do at the time. So all of my old videos are still up there and a few years ago, before he became a divorce coach but I kind of was still really into the self help of loving yourself and trying to become better I put up some videos about that and one of my videos was a kind of short review on the book You Are A Badass by Jen Sincero. Now if you haven’t heard me talk about this book before you should know that I love this book. I love this book. I love her other book You Are A Badass at Making Money. Those two books were two of the first books I read as I was beginning the divorce process. They changed my life. They literally changed my life. I have so much gratitude to Jen Sincero and her funny way of writing. She is very humorous in her writing but she just lays things out so simply and she taught me how to think about things in a way that I had never thought about before. She is basically the person who introduced to me the idea that my thoughts created my feelings and that it wasn’t due to anyone or anything outside of me that was in charge of that or was creating that. And that with the knowledge I could create whatever I wanted in my life because my emotions on my feelings are what drive my actions. This blew my whole world open and complete changed my life. I listened to You Are A Badass and You Are A Badass at Making Money so many times especially those first few years of going through my divorce and right after my divorce, I just listen to them almost on replay. I own both of the books as well and I have gone through and down the exercises that she gives at the end of the chapters and I have underlined and highlighted so many things and these books are really important to me and I made a video a few years ago. I was back kind of going through some of my old library and I saw this video and I watched it and I was like this is a really good video. It is very short but I give some very poignant and great advice from things that I learned from You Are A Badass mostly focused around decision-making but also focusing on knowing your truth and giving yourself permission to be able to know and step into that truth. So I am going to be sharing with you that video. Obviously it is not a video. He will hear the audio of the video today but if you are interested or you just want something to laugh at because some of my old videos are hilarious you can go on to YouTube and you can watch some of my old videos. They are all still up there and I still actually post my podcast on CompletelyKarin, but it’s just the podcast. There is no video that goes along with it. It is just a thumbnail of my podcast picture for that episode. So they are not as cool anymore but used to be able to see my face and I would talk to the camera and all that good stuff.
All right enough that all of that. I hope you enjoy this throwback episode of CompletelyKarin brought you special on this podcast, Becoming You Again.
Welcome back to CompletelyKarin. If this is your first time to my channel I am so glad that you are here. I hope that you will consider hitting the subscribe button so you can keep up on all my videos. Today’s video I am doing a review on You Are A Badass by Jen Sincero; making hard decisions and giving you three steps in the decision-making process.
You guys, I have to tell you that this book is changing my life. I think my one of the most important things that I want to share with you today as I have learned how to make hard decisions. For a lot of us making her decision is avoided like the plague. Right. Why is that? Why do we really just hate making a hard decision? After listening to this book and really doing some soul searching on my own I feel like one of the reasons I have a hard time making a hard decision is because I am really scared of what other people are going to think if I make that decision. I am afraid I am not going to have support. I am afraid that people are going to look at me and go, “She is so stupid. Why is she doing that?” I’m just afraid of what people will think which is so dumb because why do I give a crap about what other people think? You guys shouldn’t give a crap either because truly if you are making a decision that is going to affect your life you are the only one that matters in this choice. It doesn’t matter what your neighbor thinks. It doesn’t matter what your mom thinks. It doesn’t matter what your spouse thinks.
Jen Sincero gives three questions to ask yourself when making hard decisions and I love these questions because they break it down into simplicity. These three questions will give you clarity and give you the opportunity to answer yes or no so that you can decide am I going to move forward with this or is this the wrong direction and maybe I need to figure something else out?
The three questions are, is this something I want to be, do or have? Is this going to take me in the direction I want to go, not should go, want? And is this going to screw over anybody else in the process? Now let us define screw over because making your mom mad or sad or disappointed or anybody else for that matter, not just your mom, does not mean that you are screwing them over. But if this is not going to screw anyone over and it is a good decision that you feel for your life, go for it. We need to celebrate who we are and we need to make the decisions that are going to be best for us in our own lives.
I think one of the biggest things also that really stuck with me throughout this book is giving myself permission. Once you have decided that, yes, this is the direction I am going to go, this is the choice I am going to make, whatever it is, big or small, give yourself permission that it is okay and that you deserve this.
Um, I wasn’t planning on sharing this in this video but I’m really feeling like it’s something that I need to talk about. A few years ago my husband at the time and I were in a really rocky area. We were deciding whether or not we were going to stay married. After some major soul-searching which is what I felt like I had been doing for months and months during this time, I came to the decision that I wanted a divorce. It was a very scary decision. It was something that I knew was going to be looked down upon by my family and by his family as nobody in our families, like immediate families are divorced. I knew that it was going to be heartbreaking for the kids initially and for us initially. We had been married him 20 years. This is one of the most difficult decisions that I had ever had to make but when I decided and truly decided that it was the right thing to do I knew it. I felt it immediately and I knew that it didn’t matter what other people thought. It didn’t matter that other people would look at us terribly and would think we were making the wrong choice. It is didn’t matter. Because I knew for my own health and well-being and happiness that it was the right decision. It hasn’t been easy. It hasn’t been fun at times. But there has also been some really great parts about it. The kids are adjusted. I am adjusted. My ex is adjusted and we are doing good and I know from my own perspective that I am so much happier.
Whether or not your decision is a big one like that was or if it is something else give yourself permission that it is okay that you are doing the right thing for yourself and that everything is going to work out how should. There is a quote that Jen says in her book that I really, really love. “So often we pretend we have made a decision when what we have really done is signed up to try until it gets too uncomfortable.”
So when you are sitting on the fence about that big decision and you are really like I just don’t know if I can make this hard decision, go through these three questions and go all in. Give yourself permission and then just have unwavering belief that it is going to be okay and unwavering faith that everything is going to work out the way it is supposed to. Don’t give yourself a backup plan. If you give yourself a backup plan you will back out. He will say, oh I will try this for a couple of weeks and then if it does not work out then never mind. Don’t do that. Make the decision and stick with it.
Question for the day. What is the hard decision that you are facing right now? Leave it in the comments below. Know that you are not alone. We all have to make hard decisions all the time. It’s not something that only I face or only that person over their faces. I definitely recommend this book to anyone who is wanting to better their life. Jen Sincero offers so much wisdom throughout this book and it is not just about decision-making. This was just this little teeny tiny baby part of that book that I felt like I really want to share with you guys. There is so much more wisdom in this book. So many more things to help you so if this isn’t something that you really struggle with that much, if you are really good at making hard decisions, awesome. I think that is so great. But maybe there is something else that you struggle with a little bit. Check this book out. It is so worth the read and like I said, I have listened to it like six times and that is not going to be the end. I guess something new out of this book every time I listen to it.
Thanks again for watching and I will see you next time on CompletelyKarin. Bye.
If you like what you’re learning on the podcast and you’re ready to create lasting change and results in your life then you need to be working 1:1 with Karin as your divorce coach. This is where we take everything you’re learning in the podcast and 10x it with implementation and weekly coaching where you start to see change in yourself and your life immediately. To find out more about how work exclusively with Karin go to www.karinnelsoncoaching.com . That’s www dot Karin nelson coaching dot com.
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