Ep 204: Feeling Stuck About Your Divorce | Becoming You Again Podcast

Feeling stuck in the whirlwind of divorce and its aftermath? Learn how to reclaim your power and find alignment between your mind, body, and intuition. In this episode of "Becoming You Again," you will learn the four-step process of divorce recovery. 

Understand how misalignment can lead to indecision and helplessness, and discover practical tools that will help you regain control of your life. By reconnecting with your true self and trusting your intuition, you can move forward with confidence and purpose.  This podcast episode will explore the feelings of being stuck that often accompany divorce and provides actionable steps for reconnecting with oneself to facilitate healing and GET UNSTUCK. 

This episode covers: 

• Discovering the common emotional challenges during and after divorce 

• Understanding the misalignment of mind, body, and intuition 

• Learning to create emotional safety in the present moment 

• Managing challenging emotions for greater self-awareness 

• Breaking down unhelpful beliefs that limit happiness 

• Building new beliefs aligned with personal values and priorities

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List to the full episode:

Grief and trauma are the two biggest struggles women deal with as they go through their divorce. It's highly likely that you are experiencing both and don't even realize what you're feeling. I'm here to tell you that it's okay for you to grieve your marriage (even if it was shitty) and it's normal to be experiencing some kind of trauma (which is essentially a disconnection from yourself - your mind, body and soul). I can help guide you through the grief in all of the forms it shows up so you can heal. I can also teach you how to ground yourself in healing so you can ease through the trauma. Schedule your free consult by clicking here.

Featured on this episode:

1. Interested in the Divorce Betrayal Transformation? Learn more here.

2. Are you lost and confused about who you are after divorce? Don't worry. I've got 51 Ways to Get to Know Yourself Again. Click here to download.

3. Want to work first hand with Karin so you can stop worrying about what your life will be like after divorce, and instead begin making it amazing today? Click here to schedule a consult to find out more about working 1:1 with Karin as your coach.

4. Haven't left a review yet? No problem. Click here to leave one.

Full Episode Transcript:

Are you going through a divorce, or you've been through a divorce and you find yourself stuck, confused, overly angry, continually sad. You know you need to move on, but you're just not sure how to do that. Well, this podcast, becoming you Again, is exactly what you need to be listening to, if that describes you. This is where you learn how to heal from the past and move toward the future that you want, by empowering you to learn how to reconnect with yourself and make decisions that are best for you. You are listening to episode number 204, and I am your host, karin Nelson. Welcome to Becoming you Again, the podcast to help you with your mental and emotional well-being during and after divorce. This is where you learn to overcome the grief and trauma of your divorce. We're going to do that by reconnecting with yourself, creating lasting emotional resilience and living a truly independent life, so that your life can be even better than when you were married. I'm your host, karin Nelson. Welcome back to the podcast. My lovely ladies, I am, as always, so happy that you're here. I'm your host to focus on what I really, truly love to do, which is talk to you, gals, and teach you and love you and help you One of the most common things that I get when people come to work with me is a complaint of feeling stuck about their divorce.

Now the stickiness that they feel it comes in all different shapes and flavors and sizes Like they might be feeling stuck about their divorce. Now the stickiness that they feel. It comes in all different shapes and flavors and sizes Like they might be feeling stuck about deciding if they even want to get a divorce, or which lawyer to hire, or how to show up for their kids during this time, or how to tell their family and friends, or what to do about money once the divorce is final, or like there's a myriad of reasons what they're feeling sticky about, but it's typically over decision-making and they're just not sure and there's a lot of second guessing going on and there's a lot of I'm not sure and there's a lot of hemming and hawing and there's a lot of feeling like they can't move forward in any real way. And that is a common thing that feeling stuck. They really feel incapable of making decisions that help them move forward that they feel good about. They feel like they'll always make the wrong decision, no matter what they choose. They feel uncertain, they feel scared, they feel unworthy. They feel incapable, terrified, helpless, incapacitated, powerless in their own lives.

I want you to think about that. If this is you, I know you know what that feels like, and it feels terrifying. It feels scary, right, and what these feelings all produce is a return in your life of being stuck, of feeling stuck, of not being capable of moving forward. You don't trust yourself enough to trust your own opinions, to believe that you're capable of making the right decision, and so, in fact, what happens is no decision feels safer than a decision, a decision, any decision, and very often you are so worried about what other people are going to think of you, and so you keep things to yourself and you stay hidden, and you stay silent and you stay alone, or you're so incapable of believing that you know what is right and true and best for you that you have to take your questions and your choices to everyone else and hope that they can give you enough information, enough validation to be able to choose from there. And what happens with these scenarios is that feeling stuck and being stuck continues in a cycle and it perpetuates itself over and over and over again. If this is you, I first want you to know you're not alone. I first want you to know you're not alone. Like I said, this is one of the most common things that women who come to me want help with, and so in this episode, I am going to tell you what I tell them and I'm going to give you some tools to help you unstick yourself, get unstuck, start moving forward, start making decisions.

The real reason you're stuck is because your mind, your body and your intuition are out of alignment. Now listen, I know this sounds really meta. You're like what? It has nothing to do with that. It's just that I don't have enough information. It's just that I just don't know. I just don't want to make a wrong decision Like I know. I just don't know. I just don't want to make a wrong decision Like I know. I understand that and, as a coach, I am telling you. This is why the way to make informed decisions that are best for you doesn't depend on all of the information that you can gather. It doesn't depend on what your sister says or your mom says or your best friend says or what that person over there told you to do. It has to come from you and your intuition as a guide, and knowing yourself and knowing your values and knowing your priorities and knowing truly what is going to be best for you in the long run. That is where those decisions have to be made from, and that is only going to happen when you decide align your mind, your body and your intuition.

When these three essential parts of you are out of alignment, everything feels harder, everything feels scarier. Indecision, wishy-washy, second guessing that is very prevalent triggers, anything that triggers you. It takes longer to recover from and the emotional roller coaster that you seem to be on it's almost unbearable and I'm not saying you seem to be. I get that your emotions are like a roller coaster. I remember being in that place, so I don't want to like downplay that that is not happening to you. I understand that it is and I understand that it feels unbearable. So let's realign these three parts of you so that we can get you off that emotional rollercoaster and help you get unstuck.

When you're stuck, you feel incapable of letting go of the past, you feel incapable of moving forward and you feel incredibly unhappy with the life that you are living right now. Unhappy with the life that you are living right now. The way to move from being stuck to feeling powerful, to feeling intentional, to being able to move forward toward a life of purpose where you're thriving and you feel excited about it and you're happy, or at least you're neutral, about where you're at. It is going to come from learning to reconnect to yourself. You have to learn to reunite with yourself, with your values, with your priorities, with self-compassion, with self-trust, with self-acceptance. And once you take some steps to do that, or once you get better at implementing those things in your life, that's when you're going to feel capable of making decisions that are in alignment with you, that are right for you, that are best for you, because it doesn't matter what I think you should do, and it doesn't matter what your neighbor or your friend or your sister or your mom thinks is best or right for you. They don't actually know. You are the only one who truly knows what is right and best for you, and it's in making decisions and then having your back that creates forward movement. This gets you out of feeling stuck. So then the question usually I get is okay, I get that. How do I reconnect to myself so I can do that? How do I get to know myself? How do I like realign my brain, my body and my intuition.

Well, you're going to follow a four step process, and I teach this to all of my clients. Well, you're going to follow a four step process and I teach this to all of my clients. Number one you're going to learn to create emotional safety safety for yourself. Number two, you're going to learn to manage your own emotions. You're going to get really good at regulating them. Number three you're going to dismantle or that's kind of just like a coachy word, but you're going to break down your old beliefs, the ones that are holding you back, the ones that you don't want directing your life any longer. And number four you're going to live into the new experiences that you do want, the things that you do want to believe, and you're going to adjust based on your values and your priorities.

Once you're able to start implementing these four steps into your life, that's when you're going to be able to tap into that intuitive self-trust. Intuitive meaning. You're listening to your intuition and you're like, letting it guide you. You're like is this the right decision for me? Yeah, I think so. Do I like that reason? Yeah, I really really like that reason for me. It feels good, it feels right, I'm going to go for it. It feels right, I'm going to go for it, and you just start making decisions based off of that. It's that self-trust that has you feeling so connected to yourself. This is where you have a deep sense of self. This is an inner knowing that helps guide you and any decision that you make in your life, moving forward. This is powerful. This is self-truth. This is what I want for each one of you Like.

I am continually working on creating this and reestablishing this connection for myself and really leaning into my self-trust. It's not like a one and done. I just like okay, I reached self-trust and now it's always there and I never have to think about it again. I'll just always be able to like no. I am constantly, continually reconnecting with myself, loving myself, having self-compassion, like showing up and asking myself questions. What do I feel about this? Does this feel right? Do I trust myself to make this decision? And I'm constantly working on this with my clients in many different forms. And what is the greatest, most amazing thing that is so awesome to watch is when my clients do this in their own lives. What an incredible world to live in, where women are stepping into their inner power and their inner knowing and then living their lives not based on what others think they should be doing or how society says it should be done, but instead they are living their lives based on what they know to be right and true and good for them.

So how do you create safety, like that's the very first step, right? How do you create safety? The best way to create safety for yourself is to be present in this moment, in the here and now. Safety for yourself is to be present in this moment, in the here and now. Feeling emotionally unsafe very often happens in the past, when we're thinking about the past and we're beating ourselves up for all of the things that we did and how. We wish we would have done it differently, or how, if we would have just made a different choice, things wouldn't have gone wrong, or blah, blah, blah, whatever we're telling ourself. And it also happens in the future, because that's where we worry and that's where the uncertainty lives and that's where the chaos and the fear lives. So creating safety can only happen right here, right now, in this present moment. So you need to ground yourself, you need to use some kind of somatic practice or a self-soothing practice and get present, orient yourself and get present Now. You're not going to be able to stay there forever. None of us are able to do that, and that's okay. It's not a problem. It only becomes a problem when we let it keep us stuck. Remind yourself that right here, right now, in in this moment, you are safe.

The next step you want to learn how to do is you're going to learn to manage your emotions. That means regulate yourself. That means feel any emotion that comes up, even the scary ones anger, rage, sadness, grief, anxiety, frustration. Any of those those scary ones that we're like I don't want to feel that, I don't like it. Get away Right. We learn to just let them be with us and process through them. We learn to manage them. We don't let them dictate our lives. We don't let them make the decisions moving forward. That's what keeps us stuck. You need to learn to not be afraid of feeling bad, hard emotions. Nothing has gone wrong when you feel uncomfortable emotions, and the better you get at that, the more connected to your mind, your body and your intuition you are going to be. The next thing you're going to do is you're going to become aware of the beliefs that are not helping you and that are not serving you?

Do you believe that you're not capable of living a happy life as a divorced woman? Do you believe you're not capable of that? Because I think there are some women who believe that that's not possible for them, who believe that now that they're divorced they can't be happy, that their life is ruined, that something has gone wrong somewhere down the line. Like do you believe that your life is ruined because of divorce? Do you want to keep believing that? Do you believe that you're going to be alone and sad for the rest of your life? Do you want to keep believing that? And, if so, is it helping you to believe that? Is it serving you to believe that those things?

If you said, yes, I believe that, or maybe there's something else that you've recognized or that I've talked about on this podcast and you're like I think I do believe that and I don't think that I want to believe that anymore. I don't want to believe that my family is broken. I don't want to believe that there's something wrong with me because I got divorced. I don't want to believe when my ex tells me that I'm not good enough in some way or that it was my fault that we didn't make it. I don't want to believe that.

So if there's some beliefs that you want to question and that you want to break down so that you can move toward a life that you actually want, or a life that actually sounds pretty great, you can do that. You're allowed to. I'm going to give you permission right now to do that. I have to do that. I had to do that, moving forward to get me to where I am right now. I watch my clients do it all the time. You are allowed to do it too, and then, finally, you're going to learn to live your life building on new beliefs that you're working on believing, and then you're going to adjust your decisions based on how you want to show up in this life and what your values are and what your priorities are. Do you know what your values are and your priorities are? You might not, and that's okay. Right now is the perfect opportunity for you to figure out what those are, because knowing those is only going to help further reconnect you to your brain, your body and your intuition.

You don't have to go through your divorce feeling stuck. It is not a requirement, and it doesn't feel good when you're there. It is not a requirement, and it doesn't feel good when you're there. It is totally possible for you to reconnect with yourself in a way that you probably haven't felt in a very, very, very long time. Maybe, if ever, it is absolutely possible for you to build a life that is so much better than when you were married.

I can promise you that, if this is something that you want one-on-one help with, you can talk to me about what this looks like. You can schedule your free 30-minute consult with me. You can click the link in the description. You can go to my website. You can go to my Instagram Karen Nelson Coaching and click the link in my bio. There's lots of ways for you to schedule your free 30 minute consult with me. We'll talk about what it will look like working together. You can ask me any question that you want. If you're confused and you're not sure, let's figure it out together. You don't have to do this alone, but if you're gonna and you're determined, and that's totally okay I just gave you the steps on how to get unstuck, so get to work doing it.

All right, my friends, thank you so much for being here. That is what I have for you today. I will be back next week. Hi friend, I'm so glad you're here and thanks for listening. I wanted to let you know that if you're wanting more, a way to make deeper, more lasting change, then working one-on-one with me as your coach may be exactly what you need. Together, we'll take everything you're learning in the podcast and implement it in your life, with weekly coaching, real-life practice and practical guidance. To learn more about how to work with me one-on-one, go to karinnelsoncoaching dot com. That's WwW dot karin nelson coaching dot com were married. Make sure and check out the full show notes by clicking the link in the description.