Navigating the emotional whirlwind of divorce can feel overwhelming and isolating, but it doesn’t have to be. In this episode you will learn a transformative emotional processing tool that can help you manage the complex feelings you're experiencing.
I'll guide you through the practical exercise that will help you shift your focus from distressing narratives to your physical sensations. This technique will help you gain power over even the seemingly scariest emotions, making them less intimidating and easier to handle.
Tune in for a path to emotional empowerment and a brighter, self-sufficient future.
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Grief and trauma are the two biggest struggles women deal with as they go through their divorce. It's highly likely that you are experiencing both and don't even realize what you're feeling. I'm here to tell you that it's okay for you to grieve your marriage (even if it was shitty) and it's normal to be experiencing some kind of trauma (which is essentially a disconnection from yourself - your mind, body and soul). I can help guide you through the grief in all of the forms it shows up so you can heal. I can also teach you how to ground yourself in healing so you can ease through the trauma. Schedule your free consult by clicking here.
Featured on this episode:
Interested in the Divorce Betrayal Transformation? Learn more here.
Are you lost and confused about who you are after divorce? Don't worry. I've got 51 Ways to Get to Know Yourself Again. Click here to download.
Want to work first hand with Karin so you can stop worrying about what your life will be like after divorce, and instead begin making it amazing today? Click here to schedule a consult to find out more about working 1:1 with Karin as your coach.
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Full Episode Transcript:
When you're going through a divorce, sometimes what you want most is a giant hug from somebody who's been through it and knows exactly what you're going through. Becoming you Again is that giant hug you've been looking for. You are listening to episode number 182, and I am your host, karin Nelson. Welcome to Becoming you Again, the podcast to help you with your mental and emotional well-being during and after divorce. This is where you learn to overcome the grief and trauma of your divorce. We're going to do that by reconnecting with yourself, creating lasting emotional resilience and living a truly independent life, so that your life can be even better than when you were married. I'm your host, karin Nelson. Hello, hello, hello. Ladies, thank you so much for being here. I'm excited to be here this week.
This week, I'm going to be offering you an emotional processing tool that you can put in your tool belt to help you as you go through your divorce. Because if I know anything about divorce and I actually do know quite a lot, because I've coached a lot of women who've gone through divorce, I've gone through my own divorce but if I know anything, I know that there is a roller coaster of emotions that you are going through right now and many of them feel heavy and hard and you probably feel exhausted and you might not even be able to tell if that exhaustion is coming from all of the shit that you're going through with your divorce and your family and what the future is going to look like and the uncertainty and all of that, or if it's just because you're carrying around all of this emotional baggage. That is exhausting. It's hard to know. So I'm going to offer you an emotional processing tool that is going to help you process through any of those negative emotions. You can use it with positive emotions as well. If you have a hard time recognizing when you're feeling positive emotion, you can totally use this with that as well. But my guess is, right now you're just really focused on all of the negative emotion that you've got going on and you just want it to stop. So I'm going to teach you how to process through some of it. So that number one it doesn't feel scary. When you feel negative emotion, you're not afraid of it, you know you're going to be okay. When you feel negative emotion, you're not afraid of it, you know you're going to be okay, you know you're safe. And then, lastly, it's going to help you lighten the emotional exhaustion that you're feeling.
Now, before we jump into that, I want to ask you a quick little favor. If you are listening to the podcast and you are enjoying it and you've gotten a little bit of a headache, I want to ask you a quick little favor. Some great things out of it you feel like it's helped you in any way. Please take one minute right now as you're listening, open up your phone, go to the podcasting app that you were listening on, find where you can rate it and give it a rating. That would be amazing, because if you don't know yet, when you listen to podcasts and you rate them, those ratings, tell the podcast algorithm gods out there that this is a podcast that people enjoy. This is a podcast that is helpful. This is a podcast that people want and it puts it in front of more people. I know there are many, many, many women who are going through a divorce right now who could use this podcast. So please just take a second, do a quick rating and, if you want to and you can on that podcasting app, leave a review. That would be amazing too, but the rating I'll take it. I appreciate it. I thank you so much in advance.
And now let's jump into this emotional processing tool that you're going to learn today. All right, so get comfortable. Okay, so just get in a comfortable position. You probably don't want to do this when you're around a bunch of people, but you totally can, once you get practiced at this. You can do this when you're in a room full of a bunch of people. You can do this when you're around the kids. You can do this at the kitchen table while you're eating dinner. You can do this when you're around the kids. You can do this at the kitchen table while you're eating dinner. You can do it at any time. But as you're just learning, and maybe, if you don't know how to process through and allow emotions to be present inside your body, maybe just do it in a quiet place. It will just take a couple of minutes.
And so get comfortable. Sit in a chair. You can lay down on a bed If you want. Get comfortable. You can close your eyes If it feels comfortable. It might help you focus more on what's happening physically inside your body, cause that's what we're going to be doing. But if closing your eyes feels scary, if it feels unsafe, just soften your gaze and kind of stare at a point on the wall or a point in front of you.
Okay, so I want you to just take a breath in and out and notice what you're feeling inside your body. Is there a feeling, a sensation that is going on Now? When I say feeling, when I'm talking about like this emotional processing and feeling, I am talking about the one word descriptor that you might be having, like I'm feeling anxious, I'm feeling grief, I'm feeling anger, I'm feeling sad, I'm feeling frustrated, I'm feeling annoyed, I'm feeling curious, I'm feeling like there's lots of different, and those are all mostly negative, maybe more neutral emotions that I'm describing. Of course, there are many on the opposite side that feel more positive, feel more open, right, happiness, joy, peace, excitement, all of those. But right now, because I'm kind of a little bit focusing on teaching you how to process your negative emotion, that's why I mentioned mostly negative ones, but you could be feeling whatever you are feeling. That is totally for you to determine.
So, as you're sitting here in this comfortable position, close your eyes and go into your body and notice if there is a feeling that you feel. Is it uncomfortable? Where do you feel it? Emotion Most of the time, it shows up in my core, center parts of my body, like my stomach, like my chest, like my throat, like my diaphragm. Most of the time it's kind of centered in the core of my body. May not be for you, that's okay. If it's not, you're not doing anything wrong. We're just all different and that's okay. So just notice Now I want you to notice as you are feeling this feeling.
If you can name it, great, and if you're not sure what it is, that's okay too. Just notice the sensations. What would it be like if you could just let this feeling be inside of you, without making it bad for feeling this way, without making it bad for feeling this way, without making it wrong for feeling this way, without judging it or without needing it to go away? What would it be like if you could just let that feeling be there inside of you? Because I want you to remember as you're doing this, I want you to remember as you're doing this no feeling, no emotion can actually hurt you.
A feeling is a sensation in your body. That's it. So what is a feeling? A feeling is energy. A feeling is perhaps a tightening of your stomach or your chest, perhaps a constrictive feeling in your throat, perhaps a rapid heightening of your heartbeat, and as you feel these physical sensations that are happening in your body and you're noticing them, what would it be like to be with the feeling, without the story that is happening in your head? I want you to stay with the sensation and let go of the story. It's the story that feels scary. It's the story that runs away. It's the story that tells you and tells your body and tells your nervous system that you're in danger, but you're not in danger. I want you to remind your body and remind your nervous system that your survival is not threatened in this moment. You are safe. Remember that the emotion is energy. The emotion is a sensation happening inside your body. Let go of the story and get into your body. That is all that is required of you to allow your feelings to process through them, to allow them to be with inside of you. Now, as you do this, I just want you to notice if anything releases. Does the feeling dissipate, does it get lighter, does it disappear for a moment and then come back a few seconds later? Be with that physical sensation, get out of the thoughts, get out of the story and get into your body.
This is how you can emotionally process through any negative emotion, even if it's scary, even if you think you can't handle it. I promise you you can. Your emotions cannot hurt you. They are physical sensations. Your survival is not threatened. Let the emotion be there and understand what it's like to let it be there without judgment, without needing it to go away, without having it be wrong that you're feeling this way Again. Remember to let go of the story, get out of your head and get into your body. All right, my friends, use this as often as you need to. You might only be able to handle this for 10 seconds at a time. That is totally okay. You are not doing anything wrong. You may be able to work up to longer amounts of tolerating that emotion, getting better at being With that emotion, getting better with being present in the emotion. The more capable you are of being willing to feel any emotion, the more powerful you are in your own life right now and moving forward.
If there's anything that can help you get through your divorce, it is knowing how to be present with what you're feeling, to be present with the negative emotions and know that you can handle it. If you want some help with this and you're not sure if you're doing it right. You feel like it is too scary and you can't do it and you need some guidance. And you want some guidance? Please come to me. This is what I do. And you want some guidance? Please come to me. This is what I do. I help teach my clients the tools that they need to get through the mental and emotional toll that their divorce takes. So come to me.
You can schedule your free consult right now by clicking the show notes, or you can go to my website and schedule it there. Remember, it's Karin with an I. All right, my friends, that is what I have for you today. I will talk to you next week. Together, we'll take everything you're learning in the podcast and implement it in your life, with weekly coaching, real-life practice and practical guidance. To learn more about how to work with me one-on-one, go to KarinNelsonCoaching dot com. That's W-W-W dot K-A-R-I-N-N-E-L-S-O-N coaching dot com. Thanks for listening. If this podcast agreed with you in any way, please take a minute to follow and give me a rating wherever you listen to podcasts and for more details about how I can help you live an even better life than when you were married. Make sure and check out the full show notes by clicking the link in the description.
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