One of the most overwhelming and stressful circumstances dealt with during divorce is the financial aspect; how you're going to live now and moving forward. Learning to be prosperous during financial setback can be a useful tool especially during/after divorce.
When I think of prosperity, I think of success, forward movement, abundance, flourishing and growth. Prosperity sounds like a very active word, like there is momentum and movement attached to it. So get ready to take real measured action on your way to creating financial prosperity during divorce.
In today's episode steps are laid out taking you from becoming aware of the way you're thinking about your financial situation, learning to be informed about the truth, problem solving and finally coming up with your action plan on for growth, opportunity and prosperity.
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Grief and trauma are the two biggest struggles women deal with as they go through their divorce. It's highly likely that you are experiencing both and don't even realize what you're feeling. I'm here to tell you that it's okay for you to grieve your marriage (even if it was shitty) and it's normal to be experiencing some kind of trauma (which is essentially a disconnection from yourself - your mind, body and soul). I can help guide you through the grief in all of the forms it show up so you can heal. I can also teach you how to ground yourself in healing so you can ease through the trauma. Schedule your free consult by clicking here.
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Full Episode Transcript:
I'm Karin Nelson, and you're listening to Becoming You Again, episode number 112.
Welcome to Becoming You Again the podcast to help with your mental and emotional well being during and after divorce. This is where you learn to overcome the trauma of your divorce by reconnecting with yourself creating lasting emotional resilience and living a truly independent life, so your life will be even better than when you were married. I'm your host, Karin Nelson.
Welcome back to the podcast, my lovely ladies, I'm so glad that you're here. Today I am talking about creating financial prosperity during your divorce or after either way, right. But when we go through a divorce, the financial aspect often becomes one of the most overwhelming stressful circumstances that we have to deal with. So today, I'm going to be giving you some steps to take so that you can create financial prosperity during your divorce, if that is something that you are seeking. Now, obviously, this is not a promise that you're going to be making, you know, tons more money or promise that your finances are going to change. But what I am going to be giving you are action steps that you can take to create opportunities in your life to take a look at where you're at right now. So that you can have a plan to be able to create more abundance, more money, more whatever it is that you are looking for when it comes to prosperity, as you go through your divorce and moving forward into the future. So let's take a quick look at what prosperity even means. When I think of the word prosperity, I think of success. I think of forward movement, I think of abundance, I think of flourishing, and growth and money and all of those things that kind of come together as one. Prosperity to me sounds like a very active word like there is momentum attached to it and movement attached to it. And I think that's an important aspect. When it comes to securing our finances, as we go through divorce, we have to include action into that plan into our life moving forward, because we can have the right thoughts or thoughts that we want to think and feel grounded and feel safe in our space all day long.
But without measured planned action, it is really difficult to create a result of prosperity or result of growth, a result of more income, a result of money in the bank a result of abundance. You see where I'm going here, we have to have a plan, we have to take action on our plan. So keep the action part in mind as I go through this podcast. Because I'm definitely going to be offering up action steps for you to apply in your own life and your own situation to better help you step into the prosperity that you might be looking for. Now, I'm not going to tell you exactly what to do. But I'm going to give you some ideas. And then your work to do is to fit this into your life and pick and choose the steps and the plan and the action that works best for you that fits your specific circumstance.
When we're coming up with any kind of action plan, we don't want to take action coming from First of all, we don't want to come from a feeling of scarcity or guilt, or fear.
What we do want to do, and to be able to understand the feelings that we that are driving our actions, we first have to take a look at what we are thinking. This goes back to some of the early podcast days where I really laid out that think feel do model for you guys. Our thoughts, create our feelings create our actions, okay, so if we want to have a result of prosperity, and we want to be feeling abundant and taking action from abundance, what are we thinking about? So we've got to take a look at what we're thinking about when it comes to money, and your financial situation, your prosperity situation, your abundance situation right now. So we're gonna go back to the basics of mindset work and really take a look at how you're thinking about things. So if you have time right now, or come back to it later, write out your thoughts about what you're thinking about your financial situation, what you're going through what it's like what you're feeling, what you're struggling with, we have to know where you're starting from, so that we can then tweak the thoughts to tweak the feelings, to tweak the actions and write out the plan and start on that action plan by taking one step at a time. So let me give you some examples of what you
Your thoughts might sound like just you kind of have an idea of what I'm even talking about. You might be having thoughts like, I've been a stay at home mom for 20 years, and now I'm getting a divorce. What am I supposed to do now no one is going to hire me after I have been out of the workforce for 20 years. Or something like, all I can think about is the long term lawyer fees, and how this is going to cost me a ton of money. Or I literally don't even make enough on my own to make ends meet at the end of the month, I have no idea how I'm going to do this. Or I just want to make sure that I am safe, and my kids are safe, and that we have what we need moving forward.
Or I make the majority of the money in this relationship. And it scares me that I'm going to have to give up half of my income. And I'm going to have to give up the lifestyle that I have come to enjoy any of those types of thoughts, like write them all down, just so you know, we're not going to have any judgment. Remember, we don't have judgments about our thoughts, because we are not our thoughts. They are just swirling around in our brains, and we just need to take a look at them and figure out what's going on. All right. That is step one, write out your thoughts. Now, I want to be really clear here, when we are figuring out whether your thoughts are more coming from kind of a scarcity mindset. It's very natural for us to do that, especially if we aren't in the habit of paying attention to our thoughts and really paying attention to the abundance that is surrounding us. Okay, so it's really normal and natural for a lot of people to be coming from a scarcity mindset, especially when you're going through a divorce. And there's a lot of things that are changing financially for you, that can bring on a scarcity mindset. And it's totally normal for that to happen. We just won't be aware. Okay, I really want to be clear here. What I am not saying when it comes to paying attention to your thoughts is we're just going to start thinking positively about your situation. We're just going to start gaslighting ourselves and saying everything's gonna be fine. There will always be enough money in my bank account, even if you're not sure if there will be we're not going to do this is not what I'm talking about. Okay, we're not gaslighting ourselves here. We're not telling ourselves that everything's gonna be fine with our situation, if we really aren't sure that it is, okay. What we are doing right now is we are just being honest, and recognizing the abundance that you have, the scarcity that you have, the more you open your brain energy up to looking at things with an abundant mindset, the more you will be open to looking for opportunities and opportunities is where prosperity lies. Opportunities, is how you're able to make more money is how you're able to prosper. When you have financial setbacks. And when you're coming from a scarcity mindset, you want to know you look for more of the things that aren't working, the money that's not showing up in your bank account, how you can't get hired, how you'll never get a job. You don't look for opportunities when you're coming from that kind of mindset. So what we want to do is take a look at why you're thinking and really start to shift the way the story that you're telling yourself about your financial situation right now. So that we can start to shift that and come from more abundance, so that you will start to look for opportunities to create more in your life to bring more into your life. So after you've written down all your thoughts, what I want you to start doing is taking a look at the facts of your situation and detaching yourself from the emotional strings as you do this. So this this looks something like what kind of things do you have coming in? What kind of income do you have coming in? Look at the divorce decree, look at the child support. Look at the alimony if there's any look at your paycheck, if you have a paycheck. Look at if you have savings look at if there's 401 KS or anything like that. Look at all of the things that are coming in and write down the facts about it. How much is it? How much will you be getting? How much is in savings? What are your bills? You got to know these things so that you can have a plan of action moving forward. All right, get them all out. We're not doing this to scare ourselves. We're doing this to inform ourselves. You can look at other things like do I have my own bank account right now? What is my living situation going to look like after the divorce? Am I going to be able to live with someone else? Am I going to be keeping the family home? Am I going to be selling the home and taking that income and moving into an apartment? Am I going to move in with other single moms who also were kind of in the same situation? Do I make enough money that I can provide for myself and my kids on my own and stay in the house? We got to look at all of the moving pieces so that we have a better idea of where more prosperity and more abundance needs to come in
So list your facts, get them all down. And then you're going to come up with practical ideas on problem solving any of the areas on that list, that is a problem that needs to be solved.
Your brain is very good at solving problems, I promise you, one of my favorite ways to think about my brain is it is a detective. And if mine is, yours is too, because we're all human. Our brains like to solve problems. So instead of worrying about how no one is going to hire you, or how you're not going to have enough money, at the end of the month, we're gonna get these facts out and start solving these problems instead, okay, give your brain something worthwhile to figure out. Now I'm gonna give you some examples. And I don't ever want to put words into your mouth or ideas into your head, unless you want them. So take or leave anything that you want, right? If none of these resonate with you, great, come up with examples or thoughts or questions on your own. If you like some of these, and some of them, you're like, Nah, that doesn't work for me, great. You never have to take anything that I say as the truth as your truth, as what you need to be asking is what you need to be doing. Take what is resonant, leave the rest. And let your brain come to work for you and come up with some questions on your own as well. You're totally capable of doing that. So you can ask yourself things like, Where can I cut back? Do you pay for streaming services? Do you pay for monthly subscriptions to things that maybe you can put on hold for a little while, take a look at those things and figure out where you can cut back? Maybe you'll need to cinch up on your budget? How can you do that, figure out what your budget is every month, how much you're going to need coming in to pay just the baseline minimum bills. And then on top of that, figure out food, figure out clothes, if they're necessary, figure out kids activities, gas, all the things, and then figure out where you can make cuts, if possible, okay, if you have debt that you want to be paying off, or that you have been paying off, maybe you don't pay extra on your debt for a couple of months. Or if you are still able to pay extra, maybe do the snowball method, like there are so many options when it comes to how can I make sure that I have my needs met each month, where you can get creative. I'm not saying don't pay your debt, definitely pay your debt, right. But you don't have to pay down more each month, maybe you just pay the minimum. Or maybe you're able to pay $5 Extra and you can work on that snowball effect. Or maybe there's something else that I'm not even mentioning, that is going to be especially helpful for you. Be open to these opportunities that come up. You may want to set boundaries with your budget, decide what is important for you and your family right now. And be willing to say no to things, be willing to tell your kids we're not getting that right now. It's not in the budget, be willing to set boundaries for yourself and for your finances, and be willing to uphold those boundaries. And the really great thing about boundaries, even when it comes to your finances, even when it comes to your prosperity is that you get to decide what that looks like. You get to decide what is important to you and what you keep in your budget and what you pay for and what you spend money on. That is up to you. Nobody else can tell you that you can't pay for Starbucks or you can't, you know, put $50 in your budget so that you can go buy yourself a cute shirt each month. That's totally up to you. You get to decide, just make sure it all fits and set those boundaries, and then uphold them for yourself. Maybe there's a bunch of stuff that you can sell and have some extra money. Maybe you can follow somebody like Gary Vee and start doing the garage selling where you go to garage sales every weekend, buy things and then sell them online for more than what you paid. Again, this is all about opportunity and looking for ways to bring in more money. Look for other opportunities to make more cash, kind of like the Gary Vee example I just gave. Are you certified in something and your certification has expired? Maybe you just need to get recertified. What does that look like? How can you make that happen? Can you ask for a raise? Can you show your employer the value that you will bring and say and I think that I deserve this much more because of the value that I will be providing to you? Can you go out and look for a job? If you haven't been working in the workforce for a long time? What are you good at? Maybe you can sell something maybe you can start a business? I don't know. There's so many opportunities especially today, with the online world that we live in. It is possible for literally anyone to create more abundance in their life.
If oftentimes you don't even have to leave the comfort of your home. And I'm not saying that things will happen overnight. I'm not saying that it's even easy to create these things. Sometimes it is sometimes it isn't. I don't know, I can't answer that for you. But I'm saying this day and age, it is easier than ever, for anyone, especially single moms, especially women who are home with their kids to be able to bring in more income than ever before. So keep that in mind as you're thinking of opportunities as you're looking for opportunities to bring in more income. And I really want you to think about your future self. While you're doing this, while you are coming up with your plan. While you are figuring out all of these places where you can enhance your finances and cut back in the places that you need to ask yourself this, when you're thinking about your future self, is it possible for you to be in discomfort right now and say no to something or to cut back on something, or to put a little extra away right now, or to cut back on where you're living, or anything like that now, so that your future self can be more comfortable so that your future self will feel more abundant, more safe and more secure, moving forward? Is that something that you're willing to do? Only you will know the answer to that. But I think it's worth asking, and really thinking about do I want to spend this money on this thing right now? Can I or do I want to say no set that boundary, whatever that looks like, for my future self for my future kids selves, and moving forward. So as you are going through and kind of deciding on your plan of action, which is all the things that we just talked about.
While you're coming from an abundant mindset, make a list of all the things that you can do, after you have assessed your situation. Because we've just come up with a giant list right I given you lots of ideas, hopefully you're writing out your own assessment of what it's going to look like. And that is basically your plan of action. All right, write out the steps that you're going to take 1-234-567-8910 however many write them out. And then we just take one at a time moving forward. And here's some things that you can think about to possibly put on your list. Again, these are going to be unique and individual to you. Because your life does not look like my life, your life does not look like that person's over there, or that neighbor over there or that person that got divorced a year ago, your life is yours. And that is a beautiful thing. So these are some possibilities of things that you can think about when it comes to your actual action plan. What is my budget moving from now on going to look like create that budget, maybe one of the steps on your action list is you need to make time to grieve. Maybe you are going to have to grieve over losing part of your income or not having as much as you used to or not having the same lifestyle that you used to have. Maybe you need to make some space to grieve that as you're moving forward, as you are working on creating more prosperity. And if that's the case, that's totally fine. Take some time and grieve, maybe take life a little bit slowly. Sometimes we're really in the thick of hard divorce stuff, and going to court and judgments and rulings and mediation and all of the things. Sometimes it feels very heavy, and we just have to take things minute by minute. That's okay. Slow down. Take things minute by minute, ground yourself whenever you need to. Again, grounding means staying in the present, and allow yourself the healing that you need. As you are creating this new prosperity in your life. Maybe you ask yourself, Do I have a job? If not, can I get one? Can I start applying for things? Maybe that needs to be something that's on your to do list? Maybe you need to take a look at your living arrangement. Like I already mentioned, can I live with family right now? How can I cut back in this area? How can I come from a more abundant space in this area? Maybe one of the things on your to do list is learning how to budget or learning how to do the envelope system or learning how to snowball your debt. YouTube is a great resource when it comes to learning how to budget learning how to do the snowball method, learning how to do the envelope method and there's probably dozens of other ways that people teach you how to be more aware of and track your money.
And I guarantee you'll be able to find a video about how to do that on YouTube or a podcast or something that is going to be free to you that is going to really help you. Maybe that needs to be on your action plan. Again. We're going to take each of these action steps one at a time, and just start moving forward. Just pick one and get started. You're totally capable of creating prosperity during your divorce. I've been able to do it and I'm just continuing to watch my prosperity and my abundance grow through my divorce. And I have watched so many of my clients do this. This is possible for you to doesn't mean it's going to be easy, doesn't mean it's going to happen overnight. But it is possible. And the more you can open yourself up to abundance and opportunity, the better off you will be when it comes to prosperity. All right, my friends, go out there, get your action plan set, and take one step forward. Thank you so much for being here and listening. And I will be back next week.
If you like what you're learning on the podcast and you're ready to create lasting change in results in your life. Then you need to be working one on one with Karin as your divorce coach. This is where we take everything you're learning in the podcast and 10 x it with implementation and weekly coaching where you start to see change in yourself and your life immediately. To find out more about how to work exclusively with Karin go to www dot Karin Nelson coaching.com. That's www dot k a r i n n e l s o n coaching.com
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